Nervous about the first session? That is human.

Almost everyone is nervous before a first session. People arrive apologising for it. Please do not — walking into a room to talk about the hardest parts of your life, with a stranger, is a brave thing to do. Nerves are the appropriate response.

Here is what the hour is actually like, so there is one less unknown.

You do not have to prepare

There is no form to fill in your head, no tidy summary to deliver. If you have rehearsed something, fine; if you turn up with no idea where to start, that is just as workable. “I don’t really know why I’m here” is a completely normal first sentence, and a useful one.

It is mostly listening

A first session is largely us getting to know you — what has brought you, what you are hoping for, a little of the background. We will ask some questions, but you set the pace. If there is something you are not ready to talk about, say so, and we leave it.

You are allowed to feel it out

You do not have to commit to anything. Plenty of people use a first session partly to decide whether the therapist is the right fit. If it is not, that is useful to know, and we will happily help you find someone who suits you better — at Havenoak or elsewhere.

Crying is fine. Not crying is also fine.

There is no correct way to do this. Some people cry in the first five minutes; some never do and still do deep work. However you show up is the right way to show up.

The nerves usually fade somewhere in the first ten minutes, once you realise nobody is judging you. Until then, they are just a sign you are taking something seriously. Read what the first session looks like at Havenoak.